


She's Got You

by the_only_education_worth_having



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, F/F, F/M, Gen, Marauders, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-26 12:27:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12058989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_only_education_worth_having/pseuds/the_only_education_worth_having
Summary: The only thing differentThe only thing newI've got the recordsShe's got you





	1. She's Got You

The wooden bench was hard and uncomfortable as Y/N waited for other Order Members to file in so the meeting could commence. So far it was Y/N, Sirius, Kingsley and the Weasleys only gathered around the long table that resided in the middle of the kitchen of headquarters. Sirius and Y/N chatted amicably as did Kingsley and Arthur, whilst Molly prepared drinks and food for the oncoming storm of people. One by one the members entered via floo or apparition and filled the large table, sitting either side. Dumbledore arrived near last and after counting those in attendance commenced the meeting.

Just as he started to talk there was a clatter in the hall way and the kitchen door swung open to reveal a very embarrassed Remus and a bashful Tonks, who had yet again knocked over the troll foot umbrella stand in the hallway. Quietly, the two of them slipped into seats near the head of the table next to Sirius and Y/N, and immediately took notice of Dumbledore. It was not unusual for two members to arrive together to a meeting nor should it be. But Y/N new of the bond that was growing between the pair and would bet anything that this wasn’t a simple entrance of friends.

Y/N couldn’t stop glancing at Remus and Tonks throughout the meeting and soon had become fully distracted by analyzing every movement they made. The way their hands lay next to each other on the table. How close she sat towards him. The grins and loving looks shared between the two when they thought they weren’t being watched. As the meeting wore on a sinking feeling grew in Y/N’s stomach. After the meeting, many left though some hung around for Molly’s famous home cooked food and a bottle of butterbeer. Y/N stayed mostly silent, not really in the party mood. Y/N was talking to Sirius when they heard Molly approach and lean down to whisper in Remus’ ear, though not at all quietly, ‘Oh Remus dear, I am so glad things worked out between the two of you.’ Then she hugged them both and disappeared to sort out more food.

Y/N paused, stunned by what Molly had just said, as any suspicions were confirmed. Y/N muttered excuses to Sirius before slipping out of the room and upstairs. The bedroom was quiet as Y/N slipped inside, locking the door. Kneeling beside the bed Y/N felt around for a box and yanked it out before sitting against the bed. Sorrow washed over Y/N now, causing tears to brim, threatening to push over at any second.

Opening the box Y/N rifled through it and looking at the possessions that had gathered through the years. Old letters, certificates, cards and pictures made up most of the box. There were so many pictures, as Y/N was quite the photographer in earlier years, but one, in particular, stood out. It was of Y/N and Remus at Hogwarts. It was a couple of days after the full moon, and Remus still wasn’t feeling right, so Y/N and the Marauders had suggested a trip to Hogsmeade to lift his spirits.  The picture was of Remus carrying Y/N back to the castle after a long day spent at the pub. Though Y/N preferred to be the one taking the picture rather than in it, Y/N didn’t mind this one. Not that anything could have stopped Sirius in that moment, for Remus’ hands were full and Y/N was too far gone to care. This picture was perfect yet the memory stung as Y/N observed the way Remus looked up at Y/N adoringly.

Underneath the picture was a cassette case. On one side in Remus’ tidy handwriting were the words ‘Our songs 1976, All my love forever Remus.’ Y/N looked on the back at how, in true Remus fashion, he’d taken the time to write out all the songs in a list on the back. He’d made it, on his mum’s radio, for Y/N when they’d gone home for the summer and sent it through owl post, unable to wait till the first day of term.

Finally, Y/N stumbled upon the ring. A simple band Y/N held it close remembering the night he had presented it. Y/N had been vehemently getting married in times of war, as James and Lily had, and so Remus had presented an alternative. A promise ring, just as meaningful but without the fuss of getting married, Y/N had loved the idea.

But that was then. So much had changed since then and there wasn’t anything either of them could do to stop it. Yet they had grown close again as things changed in the wizarding world. Y/N felt like they were growing back into their old ways, that was until Remus met Tonks. Y/N didn’t blame Remus, Y/N didn’t blame anyone. Their relationship was simply another fatality of war. But looking at the box Y/N wished that these were more than simply memories. Y/N wanted to let go.

 _I've got your memory_  
Or, has it got me  
I really don't know  
But I know, it won't let me be.

 _The only thing different_  
The only thing new  
I've got the records  
She's got you


	2. I Fall To Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a requested part 2. Struggled a bit with this one so idk how good it is?

Since Sirius had died the Order felt that continuing to use his house as headquarters was disrespectful, and so Grimmauld place was somewhat abandoned. The house felt odd with just Y/N and Remus living there so when he had mentioned one night and mentioned that Tonks had offered him a place to live Y/N told him to go. Once there was some distance between the two of them Y/N thought the feelings might dissolve though this was not the case.

The wizarding war was at its height. Voldemort was growing stronger by the day and if it wasn’t for so many lapses in judgement in the early days the side of good wouldn’t be struggling as much as it was. To make matters worse, Hogwarts had fallen to infiltration of death eaters and the ministry was soon to follow. Life was getting dangerous for muggle-borns and on the night Y/N was supposed to be helping Harry leave Privet Drive there had been attacked. Y/N escaped, just barely, and headed home to the pokey flat that was now called home. Stuffing belongings into a suitcase Y/N had fled to the only place available, Grimmauld place.

Being in hiding wasn’t too bad Y/N supposed. On the first arrival back at headquarters, Y/N had found the whole house ransacked and many Black family heirlooms were now missing from the parts of the house they had once resided. Y/N cleaned up the mess for the first few days and then relaxed into the old home. It was somewhat peaceful, but after a while, it became extremely boring, so when Harry, Hermione and Ron showed up Y/N was happy to have some company. They filled Y/N in on what had been happening in the past few weeks in the wizarding world. The ministry had fallen as Bill and Fleur’s became wed. Harry had successfully escaped Privet Drive. Remus and Tonk’s were now married. The group got along just fine though Y/N opted to stay out of their way as there were only so many private conversations a person could interrupt before feeling unwelcome.

A few days later, Y/N had cleaned almost every inch of the house and the only thing left to tackle was Sirius’ room. Gathering the cleaning supplies, that looked as if they hadn’t been touched in years, Y/N set to work. However, Y/N wasn’t decluttering in this room, throughout the house Y/N had found no problem in throwing away hideous Black heirloom’s, much to Kreacher’s displeasure, but Sirius’ things were different, somehow sacred. Other than obvious rubbish, Y/N repaired what could be repaired and tucked his possessions back into their places or into a cardboard box.

It was cathartic work as if putting reminders of the old life made Y/N’s mind less cluttered. Y/N had cleaned most of the room when shouting was heard from below. Grabbing a wand, Y/N slipped out of Sirius’ bedroom and downstairs. As the shouting grew louder Y/N recognised the voice, it was a voice Y/N would recognise no matter what, Remus.  
Y/N moved faster now and could hear all the conversation, as their voices were so loud they echoed through the house. Y/N paused on the stairs as Remus shouted; ‘My kind don’t usually breed! It will be like me, I am convinced of it. How can I forgive myself, when I knowingly risked passing on my condition to an innocent child?’ At these words, Y/N’s blood ran cold.

Since Tonks and Remus had been together there hadn’t been a hope in Y/N’s mind that Y/N and Remus would ever get back together. Y/N was happy for him, truly, though Y/N couldn’t deny that finding out about a wedding and now a baby wasn’t a punch in the gut. Shaking away these thoughts, Y/N continued to the kitchen where the group stood, an argument in full swing. They looked up as Y/N entered yet only for a second and then continued arguing. Everything happened so fast before Y/N knew it Harry had called Remus a coward, Remus had drawn his wand and attacked the boy and was now scuttling past Y/N at a great speed.

Without thinking Y/N followed him, desperately calling his name though he ignored it and was gone once he stepped out into the open air, disapperating without a trace. Rounding back inside the house Y/N went to find Harry. Y/N was back in the kitchen in a flash and watched as Harry sat and read the Daily Prophet as if nothing had happened, ‘how could you?’ Y/N said forcefully.  
‘Oh don’t you start as well Y/N.’  
‘Calling him a coward! After everything he’s done you don’t think he feels guilty enough!?’  
‘Well, at least he might change his mind after that! He might second-guess himself and go home to his wife and his child instead of leaving them for a stupid reason.’  
‘There was no need- ‘  
‘Why are you arguing his case anyway, it’s like you don’t want him to leave,’ Harry said scowling as Y/N scowled right back. Y/N said nothing, Harry’s words hitting a nerve for the second time that day. Instead, Y/N simply grabbed a coat and bag and stormed out of the room, slamming the kitchen door and walked out of the house the same way Remus had.

It didn’t take long to find him. After all Y/N had an extensive knowledge of the werewolf and so found him in an old wizarding pub off the beaten track just outside of the city. It wasn’t well known to many wizards and witches outside the order and so it was labelled ‘safe’. By the time Y/N arrived Remus was several drinks deep and he’d become slightly tipsy, his words slurring slightly as he greeted, ‘Hey Y/N, come to join the coward?’

Y/N said nothing to this but merely ordered a drink and took a seat on the stool next to Remus’. They sat in silence, Remus knocking back drinks whilst Y/N sipped gently. Not knowing what to talk about Y/N simply watched Remus. His hair was greying quickly now and his face was more ragged, the stress of the past few months ageing his features too prematurely. As he went to order another drink he slipped slightly and if it hadn’t been for Y/N’s quick reflexes he would have been on the floor. ‘Think you should take him home love,’ the barman said as Y/N apologised. ‘Yeah, I think you’re right. You still have rooms to rent here?’ Y/N said gesturing to the vacancy sign that hung behind the barman’s head.   
‘Yeah, 30 galleons a night.’

‘Help me get him upstairs and I’ll give you an extra 10,’ Y/N said, gesturing to Remus’ slumped form that rested on the bar. Accepting the proposal Y/N watched as the barman threw Remus’ limp form over his shoulder and marched him around to the back of the pub heaving him upstairs to one of the empty rooms. Pulling out a small cloth purse, Y/N emptied the contents of it into the landlord’s empty palm and watched as he exited the room shutting the door loudly.

The room was basic. In its centre lay a small double bed, upon which Remus was now sprawled. The walls were a murky grey colour and the rooms only sources of light were the main window and a desolate bulb that hung from the ceiling without a lampshade. To Y/N’s relief, the room had a small toilet connected to it and a tiny kitchenette that consisted of a kettle and a microwave on a table.

Y/N moved to the centre of the room, to Remus’ sprawled out form and roused him from the slumber he was falling into. Pulling him up into a sitting position by his jacket, Y/N forced him to stay upright. Gently, Y/N removed his shoes and his jacket as Remus watched sadly. Moving away from him, Y/N went to the limited drink selection the room had to offer and made him a strong cup of coffee and listened as Remus shifted himself back into a sitting position, resting against the headboard. Y/N handed him the cup of coffee which Remus took gratefully, not really a big drinker he seemed to be coming to his senses now and thanked Y/N, who was now climbing onto the bed next to him in silence. A small TV sat upon a rickety wooden table and Y/N moved across the bed and reached to turn it on, wishing more than anything to break up the silence.

‘How did we get here?’ Remus asked as Y/N resumed a place next to him, though Y/N only shrugged in response.  
‘I mean it.’ He continued, ‘We used to have everything figured out. Now were the last ones alive in our friend group. We’re struggling to win another war and I’ve messed everything up.’  
‘Don’t say that.’  
‘Why not? It’s true. I’ve hurt everyone I’ve ever loved.’  
‘You haven’t.’  
‘You want a track record?’ Y/N sighed and looked away but Remus’ was on a roll and continued, ‘James and Lily, I was too unreliable to even be considered for the secret keeper and so they died. I didn’t believe in Sirius, my best friend and allowed him to spend 12 torturous years in Azkaban. I didn’t fight for anything, Harry included. I was irresponsible enough to forget about my wolfsbane potion and allow Pettigrew to get away, thus imprisoning Sirius yet again. I allowed myself to fall in love with a girl and marry her knowing the life I would leave her to if I did and now I’ve knocked her up most likely passing on the worst part of myself to an innocent child. And you, I hurt you. So don’t tell me I haven’t.’ Y/N allowed him to rant and said nothing, scoffing as he finished. Eventually, Y/N built up the courage to responded and said, ‘You don’t get it, do you? Those things that happened no one blames you, Remus.’

But Remus turned away, as not to look at Y/N, but Y/N didn’t allow him and grabbing his chin forced his gaze back. ‘I’m serious. You think the fact that you’re a werewolf was the reason Lily and James got killed? No. It was Peter’s fault, that treacherous traitor would have always betrayed them no matter what. Everyone believed Sirius’ guilt, Peter made sure of that and how were we supposed to know any different. If you’re to blame for letting Harry grow up with those muggles then so am I because we followed Dumbledore’s orders blindly and it’s hardly like we had a claim on the boy he’s not directly related, we wouldn’t have stood a chance. If Sirius hadn’t tried to play the hero and catch Pettigrew himself maybe things would have turned out differently, and if Snape saw you hadn’t drunk the potion he should have made you.’ Remus grew quiet now, he could hear a shaky breath as Y/N prepped for the next part of the speech.

‘And Remus, Tonks loves you. She always has and she’s never been naïve enough no to know that loving you comes with a price. But it’s not because of what you are it's because of the way society is, the way it’s always been and who knows maybe one-day werewolves won’t be ridiculed but for now, she knows what the future holds and she doesn’t care. As for the baby, its lucky to have such an amazing dad - ‘  
‘-And if I’ve infected it? What then?’  
‘Then you and Tonks will deal with what comes. What if she passed on being a metamorphmagus huh? Would you hate her for passing it on to your child?’  
‘Of course not but it’s hardly the same thing.  
‘But you’d love it no matter what, right?’  
‘Of course.’  
‘Well then. You’re going to love this baby no matter what. And I’d say that’s better to have parents who love you no matter what than ones who can’t put aside their own guilt.’

‘You’re right, I suppose,’ Remus said leaning back against the headboard as Y/N followed suit. There was a lull in the conversation for a split second before Remus turned to face Y/N and said, ‘What about you?’  
‘Me?’  
‘Yeah, you’ve given me all these reasons for why I’m wrong about hurting everyone but you never mentioned you.’  
‘Remus.’  
‘I hurt you. I know I did.’  
‘We were different back then, we would never have worked out if anything if we would have carried on our relationship we would have resented each other. It was better this way.’  
‘But I still hurt you, leaving the way I did.’  
‘Yeah.’  
‘Was it bad?’  
‘I suppose. It was hard, one day you just disappeared. And I was just left alone, all my friends from my life just gone, I suppose I could have done with closure.’

‘M’sorry,’ Remus mumbled, for a while, Y/N had forgotten that he as drunk. The two of them looked at each other as they sat on the bed and then suddenly Remus leaned forward and pressed a kiss delicately on Y/N’s lips. Y/N inhaled sharply, kissing him back unthinkingly. It was soft and slow, and Y/N placed a hand on Remus’ face delicately. Remus moved forward, deepening the kiss but as he did the empty coffee cup he’d forgot he’d placed on his lap toppled over snapping Y/N back to reality. Pulling back Y/N placed a hand on Remus’ chest and whispered, ‘Remus stop, we can’t. Tonks.’

Remus pulled back and the two of them sat together silently, as tears stung Y/N’s eyes. ‘I’m sorry Y/N, I don’t know what came over me its- ‘  
‘Fine. Don’t worry about it. You were drunk and it didn’t mean anything.’  
‘You kissed me back.’  
‘I know, and I shouldn’t have,’ Y/N said moving from the bed heading towards the ‘kitchenette’ so the coffee mugs could be returned to their rightful place.  
‘Sirius told me y’know, in the early days at headquarters that you- ‘  
‘Remus don’t. Whatever you’re going to say just don’t,’ Y/N said in a thick voice, hoping the tears wouldn’t fall.  
‘What should I do then? Because I’ve hurt you again, haven’t I?’  
‘No Remus. I hurt myself. But this,’ Y/N said gesturing between the pair of them, ‘This is what I needed, what you needed. This is closure. So, I’ll tell you what to do. Drink some water and sleep it off, then tomorrow head home to your family. Be with them. Be the best husband and father you can be. Love them as much as you can and nothing else will matter. Okay?’

Remus nodded and scooted down the bed, turning away from Y/N. Y/N picked up her bag and coat and slipped out of the room. As Y/N trudged down the stairs the tears over spilled.

You want me to act like we've never kissed,  
You want me to forget,  
Pretend we've never met,

And I've tried and I've tried,  
But I haven't yet,  
You walk by and I fall to pieces.


End file.
